About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Blood and glitter go together right?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
