Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Randomize
