Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
