YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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