I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my being single is dangerous.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
how drunk are you?
Several
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
