I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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