My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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