Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
