Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
