my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
