New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
