For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
