Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
