Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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