Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
me + whiskey = a bad person
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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