He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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