Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
