The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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