i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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