I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
