I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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