They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
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