i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
