I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
