Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
