Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
