Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
