when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
