he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
