The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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