We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
