Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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