I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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