We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
