I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
