I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
