I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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