...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
