i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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