party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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