Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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