never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
