i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
