I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
