On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
