Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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