She's never allowed to turn 21 again
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
