If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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