This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
