i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
