can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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