Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
