Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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