Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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