Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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