I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
