I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
