I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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