worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
