The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
