CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
