Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
