Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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