That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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