He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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