The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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