ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
