I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We were destined to go to rehab together
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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