dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
