And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
