May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
