life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
